Friday, June 24, 2011

My Letter To Me - Part 2

To The Skinny Girl Inside

Things are changing so fast for us and with 72 hours left before our surgery, I finally came up with a response. 
For so long I just lived, ignoring what I had done to myself.  Yes, there was stress and heartache but there were happy times too, all of which we ate our way through.  At first, it was easy, a few pounds here and a few pounds there.  Couldn’t wear your favorite jeans anymore? No problem, just ease up to the next size. 

That was the problem.  We just eased up.  I honestly didn’t see it coming but suddenly our weight was out of control and so was our health.  Blood pressure aches and pains, the whole nine yards.  This is in when the fear stepped in.  I was so afraid of was going to die.  Strokes, heart attacks, and diabetes all went racing through my mind.  The more out of control it got, the more out of control I felt.

Keep in mind, Skinny Girl, I am a control freak.  Things have to be done the way I want them done.  I used to being able to accomplish whatever I set my mind to and to not be able to get this weight off was heartbreaking.  I was so ready to give up but I was more afraid to die.  I wanted to grow old with my husband.  I wanted to watch my nieces and nephew grow up.  I wanted to live.

I know the surgery was a drastic choice but you know me, I researched, questioned, and weighed the risks and rewards.  I was fortunate to find a doctor who was not only experienced but also caring and wanted to make sure I knew every detail, which appealed to the control freak in me.  I know I still got a long road ahead but now I’m making steps.

Don’t get me wrong, Skinny Girl, the idea of surgery makes me nervous and OMG, the pain afterwards but at the end of it all, I know this is the best thing for us.  The surgery is the easy part.  The hard work is going to come afterwards!  I think we can handle it.  Are you ready, Skinny Girl?  I sure am!

Big Beautiful Diva

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My Letter To Me - Part One

I finally got my surgery date!  It is on June 27 and I am just a big bundle of everything!  Excited, nervous, excited.  I know this is going to be a momentous occasion but I’m ready to gain control of my life and it is time to take those big steps.

I’ve been catching up on my Oprah magazines (no comment) and I found this interesting article.  It was an article on the mental of weight loss.  One thing that you could do was write a letter to the two parts of yourself, skinny you and not skinny you.  Say whatever you think those parts of you would say to the other.  At first, I thought it was crazy but then I sat down and wrote my first letter:

To My Big Beautiful Diva,

This is the Skinny Girl Inside and we need to talk.  I am coming to you from a place of love and I love you enough to tell you this has to stop.  I think it’s great that you have finally realized that you need help and are taking the steps to get it.   I’m so proud of that you are working to overcome your barriers and letting your light finally shine.

I’m glad you are starting to see how special you are.  You’re smart, driven and beautiful but for so long, YOU didn’t see it.  I heard the thoughts where you didn’t think you weren’t good enough, smart enough or pretty enough because of your size.  You didn’t wallow in self-pity but the doubt lingered.  You should never doubt how wonderful you are and all the great things you have achieved and will achieve.

In a few short weeks, our lives are going to change and this person (me!) who has been hidden inside is going to come out, ready to conquer the world!  We, my friend, are going places.  We have a rough road ahead but we will come out just fine!

Love and smooches, boo!

The Skinny Girl Inside

I know it’s not long and dramatic but to actually give voice to my mental thoughts was cathartic.  I came to realize I love me some me and both parts of me is going to work this out and become one healthy, happy person!