Saturday, April 16, 2011

"I want my fat friend back!" and other tales from the hood

I have a sneaking suspicion that "Tales from the Hood" will be come a standard on this page!  The title refers to the fact that in the middle of a conversation with a male friend of mine, he made the statement,

"I want my fat friend back!"

Now keep in mind, we were having this conversation via text so when I asked he exactly what he meant, suddenly he wasn't ready to talk about it and I'll admit, neither was I.  It actually took me a whole day to really process the comment and being the Virgo that I am, I had to break it down bit by bit to come to my own understanding.

"I want my fat friend back!"

Was he saying he wanted the friend back that was miserable in her own skin?  The one that was unhappy and ready to regain the control she once had?

Did he want the friend that would lay awake at night, worried about her health, scared she was going to die?

Or is he referring to the friend who was losing interest in all the cutie, girly things because she didn't always feel cutie or girly?

"I want my fat friend back!"

But as I thought about it and talked to some wise women, I thought about something.

 Sabotage - How do you not be happy for someone working to better themselves, be it physical or mental.  Is it making him feel better to try and destroy all the work and effort I'm putting into my lifestyle change (Yes, lifestyle change!!)?

But... this was one of the people that I ate with on a regular basis.  Whenever we shot hooky from work, lunch was always included.  We tried new places in town together and if one went out of town, we report back.  I know our relationship has changed and he always spoke like he was supportive.  My first efforts were  haphazard but once I made a true focus, that's when my relationship with food changed. 

I learned from Erika (BGG2WL) to always go and research anything I wanted to know and understand so I found this article on Spark People about diet saboteurs.  It really helped me understand the possible reasons why he feels the way he feels but at the same time, it pointed out one very important thing to me:

While others may tempt you, ultimately you’re in charge of your own life.

I know now I can't change the way he feels nor can I allow how anyone feels influence what I working toward.  This is up to me and no one else.  I can choose to let others sway me and lose all the progress I made or I can keep on pushing and surround myself with people who genuinely care for and support me in my efforts.

"I want my fat friend back!"

I'm sorry, boo.  She's gone and she's not coming back!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sharing is Caring...Sometimes

Today is a beautiful spring day and as I get closer to a surgery date, I can't help but think about the things I want to do as the weight leaves. I look at the people I have confided in on my journey so far and I'm learning that everyone can't handle the mental and emotional changes that are taking place with me.

Don't get me wrong. They have been there, backing me up but as I begin to deal with the emotions that I previously dealt with through food and the realization that my eating has to change to save MY LIFE, I'm forcing some close friends to confront their own issues with food. One thing that bound us together was a love of food and as my relationship with it changes, I know my relationship with them will change also. I'm so afraid of losing people I treasure but the me at the start of this was not happy. I can no longer sacrifice me to make others happy.

I still have my personal cheerleader (thanks, Alicia!). I have the friend that's working on the work and I can just text or email and bitch it out! (Thanks, Liz!) and my loving hubby who understands the mental breakdowns and helps me navigate the straight and narrow (Thanks, Rochay!) and a mommy who serves as the voice of reason when I reach the breaking point.

As for the others, we'll see how it goes! I would say "Please don't change!" but change is inevitable.
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