Friday, June 24, 2011

My Letter To Me - Part 2

To The Skinny Girl Inside

Things are changing so fast for us and with 72 hours left before our surgery, I finally came up with a response. 
For so long I just lived, ignoring what I had done to myself.  Yes, there was stress and heartache but there were happy times too, all of which we ate our way through.  At first, it was easy, a few pounds here and a few pounds there.  Couldn’t wear your favorite jeans anymore? No problem, just ease up to the next size. 

That was the problem.  We just eased up.  I honestly didn’t see it coming but suddenly our weight was out of control and so was our health.  Blood pressure aches and pains, the whole nine yards.  This is in when the fear stepped in.  I was so afraid of was going to die.  Strokes, heart attacks, and diabetes all went racing through my mind.  The more out of control it got, the more out of control I felt.

Keep in mind, Skinny Girl, I am a control freak.  Things have to be done the way I want them done.  I used to being able to accomplish whatever I set my mind to and to not be able to get this weight off was heartbreaking.  I was so ready to give up but I was more afraid to die.  I wanted to grow old with my husband.  I wanted to watch my nieces and nephew grow up.  I wanted to live.

I know the surgery was a drastic choice but you know me, I researched, questioned, and weighed the risks and rewards.  I was fortunate to find a doctor who was not only experienced but also caring and wanted to make sure I knew every detail, which appealed to the control freak in me.  I know I still got a long road ahead but now I’m making steps.

Don’t get me wrong, Skinny Girl, the idea of surgery makes me nervous and OMG, the pain afterwards but at the end of it all, I know this is the best thing for us.  The surgery is the easy part.  The hard work is going to come afterwards!  I think we can handle it.  Are you ready, Skinny Girl?  I sure am!
Lovingly,

Big Beautiful Diva

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