Sunday, May 15, 2011

What I Am Is What I Am.

So first of all, let's update.  So far I've lost 40 pounds and people are starting to see the difference.  I'll admit, the attention is nice and intimidating.  In spite of popular beliefs, I'm actually a rather shy person and people who know me but don't KNOW me and comment on the weight loss tend to freak me out some.  I can't help but wonder how they'll be after the surgery!

Today's post is my attempt to focus on some of those feelings.  I'm used to be the "behind the scenes" person.  I'll make sure it's done right and I want the recognition but I don't have to be in the spotlight.  Making such a drastic physical change is forcing me out of my comfort zone and I feel more than a little anxiety about it.  I can honestly say I haven't felt the urge to eat the emotions.  Instead, I've been writing and book reviewing.  Channeling that anxiety into something else helps a lot.  I'm also gardening! LOL  OK by gardening means I grow tomatoes and peppers on my porch.  Want to see?

 They are bigger now and I'm starting to get baby tomatoes and peppers but I'm just thrilled I haven't killed them! I see now how people say gardening is relaxing because I enjoy going out in the evening and tending to my plants.  My doctor says she wants me to work on reducing my anxiety by taking 30 minutes a day to relax so this is becoming a part of my relaxation routine.  I know eventually I'll have to learn to deal with the attention but not today.  I'm going out on the porch enjoy this unseasonably cool Sunday afternoon and talk to my plants!



  1. I've thought about the surgery, but my digestion's so screwy that I am a bad candidate for it, and not even gonna go there.

    But you will find people will react to you differently...Lost nearly 70 lbs before we moved to Idaho. I kept it off over a year, then got depressed, and discovered IY, and it all came back + ten more lbs.

    You'll need to decide who you wanna be. If you still want to be the person behind the scenes, let me tell you there are plenty of skinny girls out there who do that role too - you don't have to give it up. You'll still be you, no matter what. What is sometimes hard to adjust to is dealing with the fact that people don't see us as the person to put in that niche, and we have to find new coping mechanisms for other people's expectations.

    But you can do it! Anybody that can face classrooms of students can handle almost anything!

  2. I think part of the problem is me deciding who I'm going to be. After much angst and soul searching, I came to accept the fact in some ways, I will change, not just physically. In a way, I've been hiding behind the weight but with it starting to come off even before having the surgery, I see that people's perception of me is changing and I'm not really sure how I feel about that, hence the anxiety.

    You would think after facing insane teenagers for years, it would be easy but geez! LOL

  3. I have had people make comments about my weight loss as well and I feel like i have not done enough yet. I just now i have a ton more work to do. I believe we have the same type of personality. Compliments make me feel awkward.

    Some of my students even monitor my diet. I was about to eat a Laffy Taffy yesterday and they took it from me.

    You would not believe it but there are a lot of teachers who are trying to lose weight at pur school. But, we are such a disjointed faculty that you would not know. One tacher, whom i converse with often lost 4lbs last week.

    We just have to work hard over the summer and hit them hard in August. I can't wait!

    (it's some good stuff amidst the ramblings)