Saturday, March 26, 2011

Jealously In The Grocery Store

Learning to adjust my eating habits haven't been THAT hard... ok, so maybe I stretched the truth a little bit but my house is void of all the treats it used to hold. The big issue comes when I'm NOT at home.

Out in the land of coke and fries, it's like swimming with the sharks. Tasty treats beckon and I've become pretty adept in ignoring that little voice that says "just one won't hurt". Yeah, right! It's easier to make the right choices on the front end than deal with the guilt on the back end.

But back to the title. Hubby and I went to Sam's to buy household goods. (Let's face it, bulk tissue does rock! :).) Sam's has always served as a place of serious impulse spending for me. In the past, leaving with a ton of unnecessary junk was de rigour. That included all kinds of snacks. Chips, snack cakes and cookies all made their way home. Couple that fact with the jumbo packs and can you see the disaster?

So I'm pushing my cart loaded with household stuff and approved snack items, feeling good because I've dodged several triggers (chips, the bakery). As I was waiting for hubby near the cash registers (comfy patio furniture), I watched the baskets of others. I saw bags of chips, boxes of frozen pizzas, sugary drinks, and bakery delights. Looking at my own basket, I saw tissue, washing powder, greek yogurt and salt-free seasoning.

A moment of anger and jealousy went through me. I could hear that voice in my head, all whiny and petulant, gripping about how unfair it was. I want the "good" stuff too! I had to come back to myself and realize how much harm all those "good" things have done to me. I thought about how eating healthy will do long term good things FOR me! The moment passed and I came to understand within myself the need to acknowledge those feelings but instead of turning to food to self medicate, just embrace it and reflect on it. Knowing and understanding the path makes it so much easier to travel.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Physically Overweight and Spiritually Underweight

I have a new kindle and of course, I've hit the free books on Amazon like a brick!  One book I found by accident (maybe not!) has suddenly become a lifeline in this maze of trying to do the right thing.  The book is titled Craving God: A 21 Day Devotional Challenge.  Right now it's free on the kindle and I would say hurry up and download it! Here's the book's description:

Has food become more about frustration than fulfillment? Take the 21-day challenge and discover how to: *Break the cycle of 'I'll start again on Monday,' and feel good about yourself today.*Stop agonizing over numbers on the scale and make peace with your body.*Replace rationalizations that lead to diet failure with wisdom that leads to victory.*Reach your healthy goals and grow closer to God through the process.This ebook is not a how-to manual or the latest, greatest dieting plan. But rather a helpful companion to use alongside whatever healthy eating approach you choose---a Bible study to help you find the 'want to' in how to make healthy lifestyle changes.

It's only day two of the book and this really almost had me in tears.  It's easy to understand how the two in the title are so connected.  I have always been told that food for some people fills a need for something inside that's missing. I'll be the first to admit that my spiritual journey in adulthood has been wracked with pitstops and potholes and lately it feels like I'm looking for something.  But when the author made this statement about Matthew 19:20-21:

"Jesus meant His comment for any of us who wallow in whatever abundance we have.  I imagine Jesus looking straight into this man's soul and said, "I want you to give up the one thing that you crave more than me."

It's like a light went off inside my head!  In those few sentences, I could clearly see what my problem with "dieting was.  The whole issue of the diet thing has been the "giving up" aspect of it.  All I could see was the sacrifice.  I wasn't seeing my health, I wasn't seeing my life.  All I saw was the food in front of me, the cupcakes I couldn't have, the sodas I couldn't drink.  The author pointed out that we have to make a choice to redirect our cravings and stop using food to fill the hole in our hearts, be it a spiritual hole or an emotional one. I thiink my own personal hole as been a bit of both.  I'm still working on my spiritual path and after so many issues with trusting people this year, my self-essteem has taken a hit too.  It's easy to give up and bury it all in food and pretend it didn't happen only to be guilty the next day because I knew it was the wrong thing to do.  After reading this and soul searching, I feel encouraged.  This is something I can tackle.  I know it is a struggle but I know these will be words that will stick with me through out this journey

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Lazy Sunday and How Was Your Weekend?

It has been a great week  (except for the Anytime Fitness debacle).  We've been out for spring break and this means 9 weeks left before summer!  YAY!!  Professionally, I feel I'm at a crossroads.  I love education but I'm ready to step out of the classroom and see what the rest of the field has to offer.  I know I'll continue to be an advocate for quality education for all kids but I think I'll be more productive outside the classroom now!

I did a little shopping while I've been out.  Here are my new walking shoes:

They are actually WALKING shoes and not cross trainers or runners.  I almost hate to wear them because they are so clean and white! LOL.  After I gave myself a moment to wallow, I decided that I wasn't going to let the gym, or the lack there of, stop me.  This means hitting the streets or the track.  The bonus will be at least it's free and funds aren't super liquid so that's a great thing! 

We spent Saturday at the Military Park in Vicksburg (about 45 minutes from the house) with number 1 nephew and the god kids.  The park was fun and educational.  Nephew enjoyed it and wants to go back.  Hubby and I talked about the fact that post-op, we could come back and ride through the park on bikes.  We saw a lot of people biking and hiking through the park and the setting is so tranquil and beautiful.  I'm actually excited that this is an activity that will be within my reach!

Today is my lazy day and I've been reading homework (my own).  Tomorrow, it's back to the grind and counting down the minutes until it's over!! Have a great first day of SPRING!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Two Steps Forward, Fourteen Back

Went to join Anytime Fitness today and imagine my surprise to discover they won't work with pre-op patients. Her reason was the fact they weren't all professional trainers. She said the policy felt that Anytime wasn't equipped to meet the needs of pre-op patients. She was all nice and stuff but I couldn't help but be discouraged.
It seems when I really try to move in the right direction, the fates conspire to stop me. I'm trying to stay positive but on days like today, it's mighty hard...

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Meet My Nemesis

This, my friends, has been officially declared the enemy.  What you have before you is a cupcake but not just any cupcake.  This is a Lemon Dream Supreme by the ultimate in cupcake makers, GiGi's.  It's made in the shop and it's everything you think it is: light, fluffy, lemony goodness.  The shop is a sensory delight!  It smells heavenly of cake, vanilla and cooked sugar.  The scents and the sight of the cupcakes in the display cases beckon you to come closer and indulge.

Gigi's was introduced to me by a friend after I was craving red velvet cake (yes, they have red velvet cupcakes).  I didn't know I would be hooked so fast!  I have to turn my back on Gigi's so I can get back on track but wise men say you have to know your enemy so you can defeat them.  I have met my enemy.  Now I'm in for the fight!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Back In The Saddle...Again

It has been a while since I posted here and while I've composed posts in my mind, they never made it here.  So here's a update on what's really going on:

  • So far, I've lost 27 pounds under the medically supervised weight loss!  (Yay me!)
  • I still have to lose 9 more pounds to meet the qualifications for the surgery.
  • However, my paperwork has been submitted to the surgeon with the understanding that I will be losing those 9 pounds and possibly more.
So my journey has been stressful because of real life (school and work).  I've learned along the way that some people I thought were trustworthy weren't really and I admit I went through an awful, ugly period because of it.  I still have to work with the person so I've prayed up about it and I've discovered that more people have my back than I realized.  It made me feel really good.

I've also found that once I made the decision to tell others I was preparing for the surgery, I found so many supportive folks in the strangest of places.  Of course, there are the "whys?" but ultimately, I make sure that everyone understands this decisions does not come from a place of vanity but it is a choice to live my life the way I want to live it.

I promise to do better here.  To be honest, I missed this and I really forgot how cathartic it could be.  More later