Today I was reading a post on a blog I follow "A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss". You don't have to be black or a woman to follow, just willing to read. She posted an article called " Handling Unsolicted Advice and Big Girl Guilt". After reading it, I really started thinking about how much guilt we all carry that really doesn't belong to us. There are times when I wonder am I a good daughter, sister, friend, wife, teacher, aunt and all of this just weighs me down. I'm learning that I bury my emotions with food instead of facing them directly. What I'm also coming to understand is the fact that I can't control perceptions about me and that I can only do what I can do. As direct as I can be, I hate to hurt feelings or have someone angry with me so I choose avoidance. Now I see I wasn't avoiding, I'm just redirecting all the negative into myself.
I know a lot of my angst stems from wanting to be in control and for a long time, I thought I could control most things. As I get older, I'm seeing that by me trying to hold it all together by myself, I was blocking any potential blessings because I wouldn't or couldn't get out of the way. It's hard to give it all up and let God take the wheel but I know as a step in this journey, I have to reconnect with my faith or it's pointless.
Baby steps, baby steps!